Freedom promotes Responsibility; why I let my boys go to the Skatepark

A green drink might give you green poop!

 

You might say there was a more reasonable choice than picking a green slushie drink on a warm day, but I’d have to argue that its fine and good that one little boy made that choice.  You live and learn from the choices that you make, and if you are not given choices, then you won’t grow.

Take a preschooler, for example, and let him pick out his own clothes.  He might look kinda weird with striped shorts and a plaid shirt and mismatched socks, but he chose it, so he’s happy.  Contrast him to the kid that his mom dresses him perfectly coordinated and matching every day.  What will he do when he moves out?

I believe that we should give our littler kids the little choices to make so that when they are big kids they will be ready to make big choices.  And I think it’s a good idea to talk about choices and their consequences….Will they cause a blessing or a curse?

As the kids get older, they will want to try new things, test the boundaries of the freedoms that we have given to them.  They will push, argue their position and maybe convince us to change our mind about some things.  Communication is key.  We have to really listen, and give them a chance, see their option for ourselves, then make a decision.

One recent decision we have had to make with our 11 and 13 year old sons is the decision to allow them to go skate at the local skate park.  There are some drawbacks.  We don’t know everybody there.  We can’t be sure our kids won’t be around someone we’d describe as a bad influence.  There is probably bad language, and some off humor. There might be cliques that hang together but exclude other skaters.  It’s this whole social network they can learn to navigate while we are not around.

And I might add, we don’t stick around the skate park and hover, like helicopter parents.  No, we drop them off, tell them we love them, ask them to be careful, and text us when they are ready to be picked up.  (There have been a few times we’ve snooped around the skatepark with binoculars, just to make sure it’s all good….but that’s just what some parents do!)

Part of going to the skate park is getting there.  Sometimes we let them skate there.  It’s about a mile, but they do have to cross one main road.  Without a grown up.  Trusting their own judgement about when it is safe to cross.  This is a step towards independence for them.  It is a step of faith and trust in God for us.  We pray they make it safely.  We leave them in God’s hands.  We rely on all of the times that we have been with them, that they have learned how to cross the street safely.  It’s a calculated risk.  The benefit of taking the risk is huge.  I see my boys thrive when they know the trust and faith we have in them.  By letting them go to the skate park, we are telling them that we trust them. We are communicating that we believe that they will make right choices when they are given a wrong choice.  They can practice “no.”

I believe that my boys can strengthen their faith as they grow in their skateboarding skills, if they do what they do for God, giving God glory and living their lives in a way that would honor Him.  There are tempting distractions and hinderances out there in the world, and we need to pray against their power to influence our young ones.  We need to speak the truth of Jesus as they are little and as they grow and even when they are grown!  We always need to be reminding our children of the love and goodness and justice and forgiveness of our God.  We need to preach the gospel so much to them that it becomes part of who they are, so that when they are faced with a temptation in the world, they will know what the Bible says and they will be able to hold their ground.

As they go out in the world, I need to pray more.  Sure, I could go hover, and watch them skate.  I could sit at the skate park for a few hours every day, even.  But that wouldn’t be sending the message of empowerment that I want to send them in this instance.  I think its good for them to feel like little men, entrusted on a journey, accomplishing a mission, then heading back home.  It’s dress rehearsal for real life, I’d say.  And if we don’t let them practice, they’ll have a harder time getting the hang of independence, freedom, and responsibility, when it is handed to them.

The teenage years are about letting go. Letting go of control.  Letting go of involvement.  Letting go of being involved in all the nitty gritty of daily life.  Don’t get me wrong, they still need us, very much, but our role is changing.

Let them be free!  Let them choose!  They will learn from the mistakes that they make.  We carefully shepherd and guide them up to this point, then we entrust them to be away from us for bits of time, and see if they can put to practice what they have learned when they were with us.  They will succeed, and they will fail.  We need to pray and ask God to reveal what’s going on in each of our children’s lives and how we can specifically pray for them and encourage them.  God is in control.  He loves them even more than we do.  He will help us get through this nutty teenage transition season!

For more on raising teenagers, I recommend John Townsend’s Boundaries with Teens, which can be found here:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/0310270456/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=47890279476&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13525578944949838009&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_1yl07lci3n_b