How to Make your Marriage Bearable

How to make your Marriage Bearable

Making your Marriage Bearable:  Loving him even when you don’t like him

We celebrated had our 17th anniversary yesterday.  Hum.  Not so pleasant.  If ever there were two people opposite, we met our match.  You know the kind.  You say toe-mawh-toe, I say toe-mAy-toe. Something like that. Both of us always right, neither ever wrong.

I can still say we rejoice at our union. “Why?”  you well ask. Many reasons. First and foremost, is our mutual (amazing we agree on something) belief that God ordained our marriage. We both believe that God saw in His most brilliant mind some amazing plan for the two of us together. He saw what we see only in shadows. He saw the transformation into glory that only can happen in the fire.

God saw, that two oppositely gifted individuals could do more good together than apart. He saw that my gifts would perfectly compliment his gifts. He saw that where I was lacking, he was strong. He picked me for him, and him for me. So we wait. Year after year, knowing that the sowing of the Master Sower will reap a beautiful harvest if we don’t give up.

So we don’t give up. We seek Him. We trust Him. We obey Him. And we do our best to love one another, albeit poorly at times. We do little things that show each other that we love each other (even when we don’t like each other at the moment).

I’m guessing we are not alone in this. The loving, even in the times of unliking?

I think it’s the stuff of great marriages. Commitment. Loyalty. Perseverance.  Patience. Honesty. Longsuffering (that one makes me laugh).

But what God has joined together let no man separate.  Even the man that doesn’t like his wife today. And the woman who doesn’t like her husband today. Because in the end, they will like themselves more for having been together. And, they could never imagine having gone through life without one another.

God knows. And sometimes, He is the only one that does!

The keys that I have found, that make marriage bearable, are as follows:

Seek God and ask Him for wisdom when you are in a stormy patch in your marriage. Ask God to reveal to you where you are wrong or where you need to change. Pray for your husband. Not that he will change, but that God will be glorified in his life.

Forgive. Then forgive again. If seventy times seven times are used up, forgive again. (I think Jesus was making a point, not giving a literal number where forgiveness should stop… it shouldn’t).

Be patient and trust that God will work it for good because we do love Him. (Sidenote:  Love Him).

Don’t let emotions cloud reason. (Yes, I am a woman typing that). Cry it out, if need be, but believe what is true. Yes, he does love you, even if he doesn’t like you today, so get over it!

Talk to a friend that can give you perspective. It needs to be a friend you can trust, a friend that your husband would be okay with you sharing with. It needs to be a friend that will not judge, but will encourage and support (with Biblical truth!)

Sleep. When in doubt, rest. The conflict will still be around tomorrow, and both of you will think more clearly after sleeping. One statistic I recently read in Shaunti Feldhahn’s book the surprising secrets to highly happy marriages, is that the highly happily married couples do couch the conflict until the morning, but always come back to it and deal with it later.

Get help. If you can’t solve it yourselves, find reinforcements. Talk to an older, wiser couple. Or your pastor. Or a counselor. There is no relationship more valuable than the relationship you have with your spouse. If its broken, go get help to fix it. It will be worth it.

Remember that Jesus is your first love. And He will never let you down. He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is the Comforter. He is the Redeemer. Nothing is too hard for Him. Nothing is more than He can handle. He will see you through.

And if you walk with Him through the storm, He will show you green pastures of refreshment, rainbows of love, and glory of hope in Him, more than you can imagine.