Lonely, but not alone. Finding friendship.

Why do I feel lonely if I am never alone?

 

I felt it when I moved across the country. I had two adorable little kids, a loving husband, a beautiful home, a swimming pool, and even a few friends at my new church. But I was lonely. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to. I was going through the motions of the mom-life, doing what had to be done, but I had an ache in my soul that left me feeling lonely.

In my vulnerability, I shared my feeling with a new friend. I told her that I felt lonely. She laughed, and said that she didn’t have time to feel lonely! Hmm, not super helpful. But, looking back now, it is insightful. My friend had filled her schedule to the brim with activity in her life, that she didn’t have time to feel lonely. She probably didn’t have time to feel anything. She had gotten so busy doing that she forgot the business of being.

We as moms need to take responsibility for caring for our souls. We need to feel. We need to be. It’s good for us to feel lonely if it brings us to our knees, begging Jesus to meet us where we are, and comfort our longing hearts.

Loneliness crawls into our lives when we neglect our first love. When we forget that Jesus is all in all. When we try to find satisfaction in what we do, what we have, or how our kids behave.

Loneliness enters when we are more focused on ourselves, or our circumstances, or our dreams, than we are on our Lord. Focus on self will always lead to loneliness, because God created us for relationship. He designed us to love and be loved. He built us to belong. He created us to have companionship. Companionship with Him, and companionship with others. When we close ourselves off from these transforming friendships, we will feel alone. But that’s a good thing. If we feel alone, down, and sad, discouraged or disconnected and discontent, and this feeling leads us back to Jesus, then we can thank God for loneliness.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

Cultivating godly friendships takes time and work. For more thoughts on Friendship, see John Piper’s sermon on Friendship