What does it mean to be Real, anyway?

Real is something you become…..

Real. Is it a goal or another facade? To me, it seems that the world is confused about what Real is. What really is Real?

In my world, Real is imperfect relationships, imperfect material things, imperfect job performance, imperfect me. Sometimes it looks like struggle, slavery, drudgery, self-hate. Other times it looks like perseverance, freedom, ambition, and embraced identity.

Gazing through the lens of American culture, one would wonder if Real is desirable or undesirable. It is lifted as something to be esteemed, but seems to be what is avoided at all costs. There is an insatiable desire to embrace authenticity, but a constant temptation to live on the surface, appear as if all is well, and just focus on keeping up with the Joneses.

We can take it from the Skin horse in the Velveteen Rabbit,

“‘Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘ You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.'”

In contrast to Descartes, who postulated, “I think, therefore I am,’ I concur with the Velveteen Rabbit. I think that we become Real through relationships, over time and with pain and struggle, and we learn to say: “I am loved, therefore I am.”

When we strip off our external trappings, we all have the same human needs. We need to love and be loved, we need to know and be known, we need to belong. Becoming Real is a discovery of who we are in relation to God, others, and ourselves, and being honest about what we find.

I want Real people like this in my life, don’t you?

James 1:4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Colossians 1:28 We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.

For more on the Skin Horse and Theological Psychology see psychology